I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
