I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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