my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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