On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
