can we get nightvision for the apartment?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
