It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
3 2 1 whiskey
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
