You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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