its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
