Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
