Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to calm my uterus...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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