Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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