man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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