Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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