I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
