Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
