i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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