Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
