Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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