then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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