I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
