At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
