I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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