Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
