I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
