I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
