i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
