my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
