so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
