the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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