My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
