just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
