I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
