i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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