how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
