so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
