Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
