dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
