hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
