So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
