this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize