why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
