Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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