oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm too high and old for this...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
