Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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