Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
