my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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