Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
