so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
