hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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