I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
