last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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