She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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