We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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