Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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