She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
