i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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