Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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