weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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