somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
