I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
