after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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